Bejo Is My Life: August 2010

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Strange Letter # 10--A Letter to an Alien Race

Dear Borg,

You guys were my favorite Star Trek villains for a short, but sweet while there. The concept behind you was a novel idea no matter what those Wholigans across the pod may claim bout those lame-o Cybermen. Other trek aliens could be dismissed as allegory for various cultures--the Klingons are feudal Japanese warriors, the Romulans are totalitarian Chinese, and the Cardassians are Nazis--but you are truly unique and scary.

Oh, sure there are those who say you represent communist perfection or the encroachment of technology. By the time you really started doing your thing in the summer of 1990, no one was thinking about communists any longer. Many on the political left began embracing some “friendly” Marxist principles shortly after the bits and pieces of the Berlin Wall were sold off as souvenirs by some enterprising--no pun intended, there--capitalist. I am no Luddite, so utilizing technology is not a scary concept as far as I am concern, either.

What is scary bout you is the loss of individualism you promise and the force of nature way in which you rob your victims of it. The Trek writers managed to create a truly terrifying villain in you. Becoming part of a hive mind by beig conquered by arace of relentless insects? Chilling. At least it was until Voyager came along. Voyager screwed up everything--and not just by introducing 36 of DD, but by letting Brannon Braga and Rick Berman write twelve episodes a season. But that is bitter rant for another time.

The point is, I miss you guys the way you were back in ‘The Best of Both Worlds.” I know, dramatically speaking, your formidability had to have a short shelf life. How may times could you be defeated attempting to assimilate humanity before new appearances would be greeted with a yawn? Two, as it turned out. I have pretty much blocked out your other appearances for the sake of my own enjoyment. No offense intended, guys, ut you have seen your better days.

Sic transit gloria mudi. It was fun while it lasted, though, was it not?

Keep going boldly,
Jamie

Wild Wild West--"The Night of the Watery Death"

Oh, I do have some mixed emotions about this one. Jim and Artie are investigating the sinking of a ship off the coast of San Francisco shortly before a visit to the city by Adm. David Farragut. Our heroes suspect his ship will be the next target. Now, I pull for Jim and Artie all the time, but Farragut is the war criminal who starved the men, women, and children of New Orleans into submission during the War Between the States. He, like William Sherman, hopefully has a seat close to the fire in hell.

The ship was sunk by what appeared to be a sea serpent guided by a homing device in a woman’s compact which Jim recovered from the wreckage. Tracing the owner leads him to Phillip de la Mer, a kook who has developed dragon-shaped torpedoes to sink the Pacific fleet and take over the ocean for his own country.

Jim does his best Johnny Weismuller by catching up to the torpedo even though it has a head start of over a minute and destroys it with a handy magnet bomb Artie gave him in the first act., ssaving Farragut. Which I suppose is a good thing. Farragut died in August 1870, so e went to hell soon after this events of this episode, anyway. Good riddance.

“The Night of the Watery Death” is an average episode. De la Mer does not make for a particularly compelling villain. His plan to turn the pacific ocean into his own country makes him sound too crazy to be interesting. The plot is similar to the first season’s “The Night of a Thousand Eyes,” but the idea of blackmailing ships rather than destroying an entire ocean’s worth makes far more sense.

The episode is not bad, but it is not great, either.

Rating: *** (out of 5)

Gillian Anderson

Barack's Bicycle

I have gotten some peculiar comments on yesterday’s post mocking Barack Obama for riding his bicycle. The general accusation is that I was being elitist, of all things, by comparing the photo of helmeted Obama riding a girl’s bicycle at a slow pace with a photo of Ronald Reagan and Queen Elizabeth riding horses. This is apparently elitist because horseback riding, in this feudal society we suffer in, is for the wealthy elite and I should not blat Obama for eschewing it to pretend he is a San Francisco bike messenger.

Which is not what I was doing. I was blasting Obama for looking like a complete ninny. I do not want the president looking like the ideal progressive beta male metro sexual, but I could excuse it if his bicycle riding was the only example of his girly-manness. Ut it is not. The guy bows to third world thugs, apologizes for his country’s existence, plays golf like Tim Conway’s Dorf character, and throws a baseball with the same poise I assume Betty White would. It is insult to injury.

Whatever happened to wanting the president to project toughness? FDR would never allow himself to be photographed in his wheelchair for fear of looking weak. Jimmy Carter gets out there during heavy carpentry work and still has a zip on his fastball. Reagan maintained his cowboy image. Bush 41 jumped out of an airplane in his ’80’s to show he still has nerve. Bush 43 chopped firewood in the middle of the Texas summer.

What is Obama doing? Riding his little girl’s bicycle at a leisurely pace, and surrounded by a security detail. At the very least, he should lose the helmet. Or add trainig wheels. What is the worst that could happen under those conditions, anyway?

Do you really wonder why conservatives mock him, world leaers likesarkozy openly call him a wuss, and soldiers hate saluting? T is because it is incredibly difficult to take the guy seriously.

Formspring Question # 41--Thirty Days in the Hole Edition

Where are you getting these thirty day themes?

They are a fad on Tumblr. I found a few I liked and decided to use them over the summer when the Eye is usually starved for content. Unfortunately, most of them are written by fourteen year olds for fourteen year olds. I have not found any more that strike my fancy, so it loos like this Strange Letters will be the last one.

If you want to look for some, try here, here, here, and here.

Strange Letter # 9--A Letter to Australia

Dear Australia,

A country and a continent? Ambitious sort, are you not?

Sincerely,
Jamie

SNOOKIE STACKHOUSE

My favorite Broadway director and performers are back, and this time with a parody of True Blood and Jersey Shore. This really speaks to me because I for the past year I have been convinced that the only thing more terrifying than vampires is the girls of the Jersey Shore. Looks like there was reason for my concern!

WHITE TRASH GANGSTA VS HELLO KITTY GANGSTA

A battle for the ages. Who will be the last remaining gangsta?

AWESOME BOWLING TRICK SHOTS

What happens when you like bowling, but start to get bored of the repetitiveness of it? You have to start making it more difficult for yourself. Why not try inventing a few trick shots? Oh, you have a life? Well, in that case, at least this guy already did it for you.

Super Cool Bowling Awesome Trick Shots - watch more funny videos

SECRET SOCIETY OF STRIPPERS

Never let a female friend plan your bachelor party. Women are too crafty to trust with that sort of thing. She will make it sounds like you are going to have the greatest time ever, and it will turn out to be complete shit. Ninja strippers? SO AWESOME! See, sounds like an event for the ages, until you get there and realize you've been played. Careful. The title doesn't always give the full picture.
via

AD FOR THE WONDERBRA

Not gonna lie, it looks like she has a little more than a Wonderbra working for her there. In any case though, if the bra makes it so you can't see a giant partition in front of you, and you constantly smash up against glass, no boob enhancing bra will be able to make up for your fucked up face.

STROBOSCOPIC EFFECT

New crazy advancements in technology have made it possible for planes to have propellers that are not actually attached to anything. Don't believe me? Check out the video for yourself.

If you still aren't convinced, you win the prize for not being retarded. Congrats! The real science behind it is right here for you to clear up any confusion.

via

THE WORLDS HAPPIEST DJ IS BACK

The DJ who enjoys the music more than anyone at the party is back once again, and still jammin' out to great tunes. I want this guy for my wedding someday. Hopefully he will be under contract at a bar in Vegas in a few years because that's definitely how I will end up getting married.

SWITZERLAND DRIVE IN SEX BOXES

Damn America sucks. Not only would we not have come up with this great of a solution, we are also so far behind as to not even allow prostitution. I, for one, am all for legalizing it. I don't see how it could possibly considered a crime. I used to pick up hookers every day. They were called college girls and I paid them in $1 Long Islands at Scorekeepers.

Police in Switzerland are planning to build a series of drive-in 'sex boxes' to allow prostitutes to conduct their business in more privacy.

Residents whose homes overlook the thriving red light district in Zurich have flooded the police with thousands of complaints about prostitutes.

Zurich police chief Daniel Leupi is proposing the idea of the 'sex boxes' - which are already in use in German cities including Essen and Cologne - as a way to let prostitutes work in a more discrete environment.

The boxes are made from simple metal fencing and are wide enough for those seeking the services of a prostitute to park their car.

One resident said: 'They get up to all sorts in broad daylight - and we're sick to death of looking at it.'

Police spokesman Reto Casanova said: 'We can't get rid of prostitution, so have to learn how to control it.'

HOUSE RULES FOR PARTY

You can bet your sweet sweet as that I will be posting these rules before my next party. Obviously there are a few minor alterations that need to be made.

3. Don't borrow a damn thing.
6. Switch N64 to Wii
13. Unless you are a guy, then GTFO

Other than that they are completely good to go. See you at the party, I'll be the guy with my dick out in the corner.

UNTAMED VA-JAY-JAYS

Dear ladies,

Don't do it. They are lying to you about the return of a sexy style. Thanks.

Sincerely,

Every guy everywhere on earth....ever

SWEEDISH INTERCEPTOR FOR SALE IN CALIFORNIA

I need to start getting some big time sponsors so that I can buy this. Then The Skinny would be the most badass website ever. Except for maybe Red Bull...they have some planes too.

via CBS
STOCKTON ― Looking for a little faster type of transportation? A fighter jet like the one in the movie "Top Gun" is up for sale in Stockton.

Wolfe Aviation is selling a Swedish Interceptor for $175,000 and the price is dropping. The owners say they're willing to lower the price substantially just to get rid of it.

But at more than $5 per gallon for fuel, few people can afford to fly it.

"Prices have gone down, especially on aircraft like this that consume a lot of fuel and consume a lot of fuel it does," say Verlyn Wolfe of Wolfe Aviation.

The jet blows through 100 gallons a minute when the jet if flying supersonic. That's $5,000 every ten minutes.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Wild Wild West--"The Night of the Bottomless Pit"

Subtitle this one “Jim and Artie Escape from Devil’s Island.” While you are subtitling the episode, go ahead and whoop it up, because that is the most fun you are going to have with it.

Jim sneaks his way into a French prison ship by taking the place of a journalist who has been sentenced to Devil’s Island for critiquing the human rights violations of the place lovely twist of irony, that. Jim’s plan is to spring an undercover Secret Service agent who activities in France landed him on Devil’s Island, too.

Mix prison cliche with Wild Wild West cliché, stir liberally, and you have “The Night of the Bottomless Pit.” There is a chain gang, twenty lashes with a whip, a solitary confinement pit, and an elaborate death rap involving hordes of fire ants. Combine that with Artie in disguise rescuing Jim, a henchman with a killer gimmick (an iron foot, in this case) , and a pretty girl who helps our heroes escape. You know the drill.

Oddly enough, what bothers me about the episode is the implausibility of it all. It is strange after episodes dealing with growth formulas, reanimating the dead, and psychic mediums, the fact Jim does not fake a French accent and no one knows the difference is too much for me to take. It is doubly worse, because Artie did fake oe as he applied for a job as a prison guard.

About the only really amusing part was trying to figure out if the lagoon from Gilliga’s Island was doubling as the location our heroes stashed their escape boat. I am quite confident it was, but I have not foud any confirmation via the web.

“The Night of the Bottomless Pit” is mediocre. It has some amusing bits, but othing you have not seen before.

Rating: ** (out of 5)

UPATE: Cofirmation that was the lagoon from Gilligan's Island. Too bad Dawn Wells did nor show up, too, no?

Kirsten Dunst

In Case You Were Wondering

These are two respectable world leaders projecting strength and dignity. This...

...is a grown man who probably cannot bear to part with the IKEA furniture he bought in college.

Next Doctor Who Series to be Split in Two

I figured somethig like this was coming after the four specials experiment last year. The BBC was looking for a way to get around the budet constraints of making a thirteen episode season.

According to showrunner Steven Moffat, the sixth series is going to be split into two parts: seven episodes ending with a cliffhanger and then the final six. Less cynical fans say this is because Moffat is also working on the hit show Sherlock. That may very well be a factor, but I cannot help ut think the BBC wants to pull a Battlestar Galactica with DVD sales by selling two half season sets, then releasing an entire series set shortly thereafter.

The BBC had been talking about eight episode series for the show or alternating full, thirteen episode series with four or five holiday specials. The split solution sounds like a compromise, but I till bet is motivated by DVD sales. Doctor Who is the BBC’s most profitable show worldwide. They are going to milk the cow as much as possible.

Strange Letter # 8--A Letter to a Food Item

Dear Jello,

After five abdominal surgeries in the last six years, I have some seriously mixed emotions about you. On the one hand, you have always been there for me. On the other, fiding you sitting next to a bowl of broth when I am really hungry is an insult.

Do not take it personally. I tend to have strange food cravings during the circumstances upon which we meet and you do not suit any of them. We have spent weeks at a time together before. You are just doing the most important, thankless job you have. Bill Coby does not even stick up for you these days.

It pains me to tell you it would suit me fine f I never ad to eat you again. Something tells me that is not goig to happen. Fate as a way of throwing us together, no? Cruel as always.

Sincerely,
Jamie

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Wild Wild West--"The Night of the Poisonous Posey"

“The Night of the Poisonous Posey” is another surreal, but fun episode. Jim and Artie earn yet another vacation, perhaps because their sojourn in New Orleans turned out so badly in ’The Night of the Big Blast,” but this one does not wind up much better. Our heroes enter the tiny town of Justice, Arizona and wid up in the predicament immediately pictured above.

Fortunately, it is all the town’s idea of a joke. The place is called Justice, after all. They become the guest of honors for a quick town celebration. The two decide to stay, but would you not know it, te town is playing host to a conference of international criminals.

Each one of them is a caricature of what part of the world he comes from with is own gimmick: the Russian throws knives, the cowboy has a lariat, the Latino assassin leaves tarantulas as hi calling card, the Arab is a crazed pyromaniac, etc. They were all brought here by Lucretia Posey:

She has a plan to organize criminal into one, big network covering the entire planet. Yes, women cannot vote yet, but an international group of criminals are going to follow her orders. How progressive for the 1870's. The actress, Delphi Lawrence, is from the United Kingdom just like Ida Lupino. Apparently, the show had to import all its female mastermind-type villains.

Jim is captured right off the bat a placed in an insanely elaborate death trap it takes him one and a half acts to escape from. He must be losing his touch. Meanwhile, Artie poses as a latecomer, Ascot Sam. He plats each criminal’s gimmick on another to make it look like they are betraying one another. It works until the real Ascot Sam shows up. Jim and Artie have to brawl their way out I a particularly exciting action sequence. For a nifty change o pace, Artie is the one to capture Posey. He rarely gets the pretty girl.

“The Night of the Poisoous Posey” is comical, adventurous, and pure fun. There is nothing particularly memorable about it, but it does have goofy entertainment value.

Rating: *** (out of 5)

Reese Witherspoon

Strange Letter # 7--A Letter to an Athlete You Despise

Dear John Rocker,

It has been ten years since your bigoted remarks in the now infamous Sports Illustrated in which you said you would never live in New York because of all the gays and foreigners and we Atlanta Braves fans are still paying for it. You played for three other major league teams, continued to say stupid things during your tenure with them, yet it is the Braves who are forever blighted.

You know we fans of the team area long suffering lot. Dale Murphy was the only thing we had going for us for the better part of a decade. We have had to suffer through being taunted as the Atlanta Bridesmaids, also a contender, never a champion. Then you come along. Gee, thanks. We really needed that.

May Ru Paul sashay through your forever for all eternity.

From the bottom of my heart,
Jamie

Wild Wild West--"The Night of the Flying Pie Plate"

“The Night of the Flying Pie Plate” is every bit as ridiculous as “The Night of the Returning Dead’ was spooky, yet it works. Chalk it up the two factors. First, the scam being pulled does not have the obvious resolution. Second, Jim and Artie are on the ball the entire time, so no one’s intelligence is insulted by the outlandish plot.

What is that outlandish plot? While escorting a million dollar gold ship through Arizona, Jim witnesses a UFO crash. The aliens inside are beautiful green women from Venus. Their ship is out of fuel. You will never guess what they use for gas. Yep--gold. They have plenty of jewels worthless to them, but invaluable to us Earthlings to trade for it. Unfortunately, it is government property.

At no point does the story try to pass this scenario off as anything but a scam. The conflict is discovering who is behind it. Is it the bank president, a traveling hellfire and brimstone traveling preacher, or any number of thugs I town? It turns out to be all of them. One might think it is a cop out the red herrings are not red herrings, but, really, how often do you see that happen?

Mot of the fun of “The Night of the Flying Pie Plate” is not the scam, anyway. It is a 1960’s television series loading up an episode with 1950’s flying saucer cliché and setting it I the 1870’s. The “Venusian” girls are hot, too:

Fun, but goofy.

Rating: *** (out of 5)

Charlize Theron

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Paris Hilton Arrested for Cocaine Possession

Yes, I know. The sky is blue, water is wet, and cats have climbing gears. This is the 29 year old waste of valuable space’s third arrest. So what else is new? It is not so much what is new, but the schadenfreude. The girl’s bad luck is amusing.

Her SUV was pulled over last night on the Las Vegas Strip because a cop smelled pot wafting from the inside. When she got out of the SUV, a bag of cocaine fell at the officer’s feet. I can only hope there was on board camera on the cop’s car that recorded it all. It is bound to be more hilarious than that The Hottie and the Nottie crapfest she starred I a couple years ago.

Hilton claimed the purse was not hers. I do not grasp the dynamics of that one. Did she grab someone else’s by mistake sometime during the evening ad did not notice until the cocaine fell out? I hat it when that happens. Or was she holding onto the purse for someone else exclusively during te police pullover?

We may ever know. Hilton has hired uber-lawyer David Chenoff. He has defended every high profile Las Vegas defendant this side of OJ Simpson, who probably regrets Chernoff did not make the clean sweep. He has already gotten her out of jail without posting bail, so I have all ideas Hilton is going to get the benefit of “celerity justice” and walk free as a bird.

No More Writning Fan Letters to Sky's Niece, Penny

Gloria Winters has passed away.

Last Week at Apocalypse Cinema

It was Rocky Week:

Rocky
Rocky II
Rocky III
Rocky IV
Rocky V
Rocky Balboa

Full Metal Jacket Reach Around # 63

It is time once again to round up all the bloggers gracious enough to link to me this week.

The Current links to Investigate These Questions.

No Sheeples Here! adds me to her latest Sumpthin' 4 Mutton.

Pirate's Cove links to Full Metal Jacket Reach Around LXII and Blogroll Spotlight LVIII.

Amusing Bunni's Musings links to Blago Meets Adam West.

Camp of the Saints links in his post Houe of the Rising Muslim and graciously awards me the Spot On Quote of the Day for August 25th. Thank you!

Classic Liberal links to Strange Letter # 3.

A sincere thank you to all who linked. If you linked to me in the last week, but I do not have you here, you unfortunately fell through the cracks of Technorati, Google Blog Search, and Sitemeter. Please drop me a note in the comments and I will update with your link.

Strange Letter # 6--A Letter to a Giant Robot from Outer Space

Dear Iron Giant,

That one bit where you were told you could be anything you wanted to be, so you decided you would be Superman when saving the world.

I teared up. Seriously. That was awesome.

Sincerely,
Jamie

Friday, August 27, 2010

Wild Wild West--"The Night of the Returning Dead"

“The Night of the Returning Dead” marks yet another turn with the supernatural. This time around, we get two members of the Rat Pack to go along with it--Sammy Davis, Jr. and Peter Lawford. No Frank Sinatra, though. Bummer.

Dais plays Jeremiah, a former slave to Col. Beaumont Carson. Carson and his family were kidnapped, tied up, and burned alive in an old barn at the start of the Civil War so a group of men, lead y law ford’s character, Carl Jackson, could steal the Carson family fortune. Jeremiah escaped and has since looked for a way to ring Jackso to justice.

He found it by contacting Jim and Artie. They concoct a plan involving Jeremiah’s apparent supernatural power to control animals along with his disguising himself as Carson’s ghost I order to spook out a confession.

Spooky it is. I remember Jeremiah faking the possession by Carson at the courthouse I which he descries being burned alive in vivid, unearthly detail scaring the bejebus out of me as a kid. I was quite freaked out just watching it now. Davis was a very good actor. I do not thin he gets enough credit for it. Or maybe I am just too young to know that he revived recognition when it counted. I hope the latter.

When Jeremiah controls every horse in town, forcing them to stampede the courthouse during his possession, it is terrifying because we do not ever see ay horse at all. Just the sound and fury of their attack. Brutal.

The plan works, even though our heroes are captured by some of Jackson’s cohort’s and must devise a means of escape. Jackson confesses to Jeremiah about the murders and is taken into custody. Jeremiah is set to ride of into the sunset when Jim offers him a job with the Secret Service. Jeremiah refuses, saying only Will smith would be dumb enough to believe he could pull that off.

I may have made that last part up. Here is a guilt ridden Peter Lawford as compensation:

There is one point in the episode Jeremiah, posing as Carson’s ghost, wears a Confederate uniform. What kind of coniption fit would the PC police throw about something like that these days?

I like “The Night of the Returning Dead.” It till creeps me out as much as it did twenty-three or so years ago when I first saw it. The supernatural theme was a change o pace for the show, but one that fit in surprisingly well. There will be much more to come in the future, but this is a fantastic start.

Rating: *** (out of 5)

Scarlett Johansson

Muslims Give Obama Highest Approval Rating

Heh. He just cannot win for losing, no?

Strange Letter # 5--A Letter to Your Last Case of the Flu

Dear Flu,

I guess you thought it was cute sending me to the hospital where I learned I needed surgery for another problem of which I was completely unaware. One of those tough love, anything can be a blessing in disguise deals. I really hate those.

I was not too fond of you, either. Hopefully, those antibiotics guaranteed a horrible death for you as I struggled to rehabilitate myself.

Why, does that sound ungrateful? It is a harsh world, dude. Have you never heard that no good deed goes unpunished? just like most of life, you have learned that lesson far too late for it to do you any good.

Sincerely,
Jamie

Wild Wild West--"The Night of the Big Blast"

I am a big fan of the mythology surrounding Frankenstein, whether we are talking about the original Mary Shelley novel or the various adaptations on stage and screen. Therefore, I always look with keen interest in homage such as “The Night of the Big Blast.” But the episode is far more than that. It is largely an Artie solo adventure which strays far from the usual formula, yet does not pay the price for doing so.

Ida Lupino plays Dr. Faistina, a mad scientist who has developed a method to reanimate the dead using electricity. She requested funding for further research from the federal government, but was turned down since no one believed her claims could be true. Out for revenge for beig spurned, she uses a reanimated duplicate of the captured Jim as a bom to kill four cabinet officials. Artie, desperate to prove the assassin was not Jim, is captured by Fautina. She creates a duplicate of hi in order to assassinate Ulysses S. Grant, but it is stopped by the escaping Jim and Artie.

There are some serious plot holes here. Why did Fautina not demonstrate her ability to reanimate the dead instead of just telling the government se could do such? She could have used a body donated to science instead of grave robbing like she normally does. The feds we probably chomp at the bit to use her technology I order to create super soldiers who could easily e reanimated. Faustina definitely went about her plan the wrong way.

You also have to wonder why, when four Cabinet officials are killed by Jim, does grant still come to New Orleans and no one suspects the fake Artie is going to kill him even though he is running the exact scam as the fake Jim. Looks like all the other Secret Service agents are very slow on the uptake.

Casting that aside, “The Night of the Big Blast” is an exciting episode. It is not revealed until the fifth act that Jim is still alive, much less he did not kill the Cabinet officials. We knew that, but it was not obvious how Jim was still alive. Artie steal the episode trying to find him. The highlight of his adventure being a sword fight with the Three Musketeers during a Mardi Gras costume party.

“The Night of the Big Blast” is not only one of the best of the secod seaso, but a highlight of the series as a whole.

Rating: *** *(out of 5)

Amber Heard

If you need further proof God has a sense of humor, she is a lesbian.

TSHIRT OF THE DAY - CAN'T HAVE MANSLAUGHTER WITHOUT LAUGHTER

I saw this tshirt a couple years ago and loved it. I've actually heard the same, or similar, phrase in several movies and tv shows. It's funny, because it's true. Plus, murder is just funny.

Buy the shirt here!

PIRANHA 3D IN 14 SECONDS

Kingsley did me the favor of summing up Piranha 3D for me. Sounds like pretty much the greatest movie ever produced.

AXE COP EPISODE 2

If you missed the first one and are totally confused about what's going on here, check back to this post for an explanation of what the hell Axe Cop is.

STALLONED

Don't fuck with Sly. It's as simple as that. You just never know when he has arrows with warheads for tips.

CAMI SECRET PARODY (BOOB APRON)

There are a lot of dumbass products for women out there. I'm not sure if it's just that you love to shop so much that people think you'll buy anything, or if there is actual demand for some of this shit. Booty Pop, chicken cutlets, spanx, and now this. Where does it stop? Really ladies? You didn't learn from the Dickie that stuff like this sucks? If you haven't seen the original ad, you can now buy what is essentially a curtain to cover your chest. Yeah, you read that correctly. It's retarded. Thankfully someone made a parody of the ad to show just how we feel about it. Mind you, the video is the exact same. You may think it's so ridiculous that it's part of the parody, but that is their actual commercial.
Hat Tip to @PeterZimm for this one.

THE INTERNET SUCKS

I've been really disappointed in the internet the past few days. There has been a lot of recycled stuff, a Michael Cera meme that's about 30 pictures strong now(only one of which is funny), and every website I visit talking about how I need to follow them on "the new Digg." I don't know if I have raised the bar or just gotten lazy, but there hasn't been a whole lot that I've cared about passing. Thankfully I have a slew of pictures backed up so at least I can drop a picture dump on you, and there are a few videos worth sharing that I've stockpiled.

MAN SEEKS DREAM GIRL

Weird, this guy has the exact same criteria in women as I do. I wonder if he ever got a response, and if he can give me her sister's number.

YOGA FOR BLACK PEOPLE

I've been considering doing yoga. If it was free, or $5, I probably would have given in by now. Thankfully they have priced me out of the market so I don't need to embarrass myself. It still seems like a great place to check out chicks in compromising positions though. Recently they have been making a point of trying to make everyone feel welcome in classes, not just women who are too lazy to actually work out.

Yoga for Black People - watch more funny videos

PEDEX

If you don't know, I can't help you.

CRAZY SCOOTER TRICKS

Formerly low culture sports have really taken off in the past ten years or so. With the popularity of the X games, things like BMX, skateboarding, and snowboarding have become entirely mainstream. Of course it helps that black people skateboard now, automatically making it cool. There are still a few sports out there that haven't quite made the cut. I have a feeling scooters will never even reach the level that roller-blading maintains.
via

Also, I saw a tall skinny black dude with an afro wearing daisy dukes and rollerskating by the lake in Chicago. Just thought you should all know.