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| Sorry Conan. At least you get to hang out with George Lopez |
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| It's true, I read it on a sign. |
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| It's true. Bill Murray told me so. |
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| Back in the day this would have earned you a handjob. |
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| I am terrible at being wrong. It's just not something I support. |
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| Sorry buddy, ladies ditched the muff. Gillette FTW! |
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| Screw safety, this could go viral! |
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| It's called sex, and it's all the rage these days. |
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| That's the spirit! You can be buried in the backyard with the rest. |
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| No idea why this is funny, but I laughed. You did too. Admit it. |
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| I'm so hot Imma melt all this ice. |
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| You can't spell slaughter without laughter! |
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| You clearly have the internet, what more could you want? |
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| Much like a priest, your rules don't apply to me. |
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| Literally. We're frowning. See? Very upset. |
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| Ladies, take note. You'll win every single time. |
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| Carving this pumpkin this weekend. Then, it's a waiting game... |
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| If you can't cum in 'em cum on em. |
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| Damn you Shakey J Fox! Now we're dead. Thanks. |
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| The only way to get nerds to exercise. |
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| What's the difference between jelly and jam? I don't try to jelly my dick up a girl's ass. |
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| This happens to me every goddamn day with my phone charger. |
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| Too bad you are a dude. Could have been the most successful ad ever. |
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| X-to-the-Z would be a great addition. Pimp my bat mobile, bitch. |
