MINNESOTA TWINS FRIENDSHIP LOGO

So there I was, watching the White Sox suck at baseball, when I spotted a Twins fan wearing a hat (yes, I realize the picture is a shirt) that I'd never seen before. It had some sort of stupid patch on the front that clearly wasn't their logo. After a good amount of staring I first realized that it did in fact say Minnesota Twins. Strike one. Never liked you guys. Then after another 30 seconds, I realized that, while it was partially blocked by some weird shit, it was in fact a baseball in the background. But what is that mess in front of it? Oh, of course! It's two guys shaking hands. Strike two. What is this, the Special Olympics? Is that the sportsmanship logo? Come cheer for Minnesota, we're really friendly to other players (but only when they wear the same uniform as us). The two dudes aren't even twins! That may well be the worst thing I've seen in the history of professional logo design. Then, to top the whole thing off, they put it on a light blue hat. Strike three. I've consulted wikipedia as to not make a complete fool of myself, and nowhere is it listed as one of their colors. I can't stand when fans buy alternate colored jerseys/hats/shirts. Oh, you're Irish? Good for you! That doesn't mean that you should have a green Bulls jersey. They are red...which is quite different from green. End of story.

FRESH BALLS AND BREASTS

What ever happened to just using soap? It seemed to work fine for a long ass time, but apparently it's not good enough anymore. I don't need specialty products for every damn thing. I'll bet you chicks go out and buy it though.
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TSHIRT OF THE DAY - FREE HUGS!

Over the years I have seen and bought a ton of funny tshirts online. There are a ton of different sites that try to stay on the cutting edge of wit. Some succeed, some fail miserably.  When I need something hilarious yet offensive, TShirtHell never lets me down. At one point in college I saw a shirt that said "I only fuck chicks who do coke." Funny, offensive, inappropriate. Everything for which I was looking. Plus, being at UofM, you could pretty well assume that 50% of the people you hung out with did coke.

Unlike coke, everyone loves hugs! And just think how gratifying it will be when a strange woman comes up and hugs you just because she likes your shirt, all the while being completely unaware that by doing so she has admitted she was a slut. Unless you are extremely good looking, she's probably not going to turn around for one last glance as she passes and happen to see the back of the shirt.  I challenge you to go out and see how many hugs you can get in this thing, I'd be willing to bet it's quite a few.

Purchase Free Hugs shirt here

SUBTLE BUTT FART FILTERS

We've come across a lot of interesting products over the years here on The Flint Skinny. This one may be close to the top for level of absurdity. I don't really like the description of something being imprgnated, even if it is just fabric, anywhere near a ladies underwear. That said, I am really curious if they work.


Subtle Butt, 5 pieces -$11.95


Problems with smelly gas? This pack of 5 saving graces (also affectionately known as fart pads or fart filters) effectively filters the odor caused by flatulence; simply stick one in the right place and you're ready for a chili cook-off.


Each 3.25" square filter is made of soft fabric with an antimicrobial treatment on the side touching the skin. The fabric is impregnated with activated carbon, which faces the underwear or the pants and has a vast surface area for bad odors to adhere to and get neutralized. Two adhesive strips are strategically placed so you know which side is which. And at around 1/32" thick, you will never know it's there. Now with improved adhesive!

SAMMY DAVIS JR. AD FOR SUNTORY WHITE WHISKY

I miss the good old days when people could actually drink and smoke in commercials.  OK, so I actually couldn't care less; it doesn't really change my commercial viewing pleasure in the slightest.  There is something about seeing Sammy Davis Jr. actually drink the whisky though that speaks directly to my soul and makes me want to sit down with a few fingers of delicious booze.  Whisky has never been this jazzy before, so it's gotta be good.  Don't confuse Sammy's endorsement though to mean that all jazzy liquors are created equal.

Back in my collegiate days, I, like many, had a liquor bottle collection growing on the wall.  My rules were simple: nothing less than 40 proof and no repeats. The collecting ended in the neighborhood of 160 bottles, so as you can imagine I started to get into some interesting choices.  One that I came across was Jazz Vodka. Let me tell you, that shit sucks. It's what started my belief that the more interesting the bottle, the worse the booze.  Trust me, stay away from creative bottles.



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HOPS HOLSTER CAN AMMO BELT

Have you found that the Beer Holster can't hold nearly enough, and shots aren't always in order from the Booze Belt? Well lucky for you, Hops Holster has made a new product built for aggressive drinking. I present to you the Can Ammo Belt. With a twelve pack strapped to your ample chest you should be good for at least an hour or two. What, you don't drink that fast? Loser. Get yourself an ammo belt and become a much bigger drinking badass.

TRONGS COMMERCIAL

I swear if any of you buy these I will back trace you and consequences will never be the same. Add these to a long list of stupid ass products that are likely to do well because of stupid ass housewives.  If I saw a guy eating wings with trongs, I would send him over a Smirnoff Ice and then smash it into his teeth when he went to drink it.

I HEART UR VAGINA

Well, if the pickup lines don't work, you can always just flash your shirt.  Is this one of those things you buy yourself as a present for your girlfriend, kinda like the reverse of her buying lingerie?  In any case, someone should probably send me one.

HUMAN CENTIPEDE NECKLACE

If you don't know what this is, you are probably better off.

SHAMWOW CLEANUP OF TENNESSEE

I'm not really sure why they haven't thought of this down in Tennessee yet.  The solution was completely obvious.

I'M ON A HORSE REMIX

If you have followed The Skinny at all, you know I am a huge fan of remixes. It's just one of those things that I, for whatever reason, can't get enough of...assuming that they don't suck. Right Now, Old Spice commercials are really the only decent ads out there, but they are top notch. It seems only fitting that someone finally remix one of them for the good of the people.


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There isn't a remix of the newer Old Spice Odor Blocker commercials with Terry Crews that is up to my standards yet, so I just picked my favorite one for you.

EL PRESIDENTE

Someone please find me this shirt. I love carrying a lie around on my chest all day.