KATY PERRY BOUNCING BOOBS ON SNL

I didn't watch SNL this weekend because I have a life and was at the bar instead of on my couch. I did however hit up Hulu to check out Katy Perry and was not disappointed. The sketch in which she mocked Sesame Street wasn't all that funny, but her boobs looked tremendous. I immediately thought to myself, someone needs to make a gif of this immediately. Thankfully, Warming Glow too the liberty for us.

MONKEY KICKS A KID AND RIDES A PIG

Monkeys are awesome. And if you somehow didn't know already, you can tell from this gif that they are pretty damn smart too. Obviously much smarter than that little kid. Let's be honest here, that move was f'ing sweet. Lure him in with the bag, then kick him? Yeah, I think so. That's level 2 military strategy right there. POW right in the kisser.

HOPEFULLY SIZE DOESN'T MATTER HUMP DAY PICTURE DUMP

Better start checking the handle first, because this is the new "Icing"

A line I have used many times in my sexual conquests.

That's what she said. Literally. 

If you need a light to find where you're going, quit now.

Let me show you little one.

Who said shopping for women is hard?

My ass is a spoon free soon, sorry. 

This is what girls do right?

Every morning before work?

BADASS CHEERLEADER LIFT

Way back in college, my girlfriend at the time was one of Michigan's cheerleaders.  She was incredibly talented; I however was incompetent.  At one point I was requisitioned to help practice lifts.  She tried her damnedest to teach me what to do, but there was just no hope for me in any future involving male cheerleading.  My strengths lie elsewhere.  Then this guy comes along and makes it look so easy. Screw you big fella.  I can't lie though, this is pretty sweet.

MONKEY RIDING A GOAT

Umm....what?

GIRL TUMBLES DOWN STAIRS...REPEATEDLY

Sliding down carpeted stairs on a mattress, what are you retarded? Sorry, dumb question. If you weren't, you certainly are now.

SEAN CONNERY SLAPS WOMEN

*Leave it to Bond to tell it how it is. Sometimes you just need to slap a hoe. He makes a point of saying it's not a good thing, but sometimes it's merited. While I don't see myself slapping anyone in the near, distant, or hypothetical future, I see his point. Growing up as a smaller than average human, I was always smart enough not to say something that would get me hit because there was nothing I would be able to do about it.  It seems like too many women don't abide by that policy; they operate under the "I'm a woman so I can do whatever the hell I want with zero repercussions" approach. (Obviously that applies more towards women being violent with men and expecting them to just stand there and take it). Well, as a wise bartender in Anchorman once told me, "Ladies can do stuff now, and you're gonna have to get used to it. Talk shit, get hit. That's the way the world works.

*For entertainment purposes only(Like calling Miss Cleo). The Flint Skinny does not condone violence of any kind(except with grenades).


Oh and chicks, stop trying to break up fights between two guys. You almost always get accidentally hit and then act completely shocked. Stepping in front of flying fists usually yields only one result.

MR. T. PUNCHES A SHARK

Mr. T. pities a shark, fool.

EPIC DUCKFACE GIF

I've touched on the duck face before, but this had to be posted.  By my count there are about 20-30 pictures in this gif, all damn near identical. She even managed to look the exact same through several different hairstyles.  And no, ladies, stop right there. This isn't a kissy face. If a girl tried to kiss me like that, I would immediately call up Chris Brown and have him come punch her in her stupid face(I don't personally hit girls, I have people for that). And no, it also isn't a modeling pose, because hot models would never make that look.

VAN DAMME FRIDAY MEGAMIX

Click the post's Title Bar for the full onslaught of pictures and videos if your reading from the homepage.

I figure it's been long snought out of the spotlight that it's time to ressurect Van Damme Friday. What better way to get it started than to have a huge content dump from past posts? There are a few others that weren't included, but this pretty much sums up the highlights. Look forward to a new post every Friday from now on. He's got a lot of DVD covers that need to make their way onto The Skinny. Let's start off with a few quick facts.

• Known as The muscles from Brussels.
• His fight scenes are so intense that he won't film them in the U.S. for fear of being sued.
• Van Damme moved to the USA in 1981, didn't speak English, didn't know anyone,and only had 2,000 dollars to his name, which he lived on for almost 5 yrs.
• In 1989, he was sued for willfully gouging the eye of an extra in a swordfight while filming CYBORG.
• He won a court case filed against him by martial arts legend Frank Dux, who claimed he collaborated with Van Damme on his 1996 directorial debut THE QUEST, only for Van Damme to deny him any share of the profits. His evidence was lost in an earthquake. Coincidentally, Van Damme played Dux in his debut BLOODSPORT (1988).
• He was once said he learned to speak English by watching the cartoon THE FLINTSTONES.
• He studied classical ballet for five years
• Is giving his fans the chance to look just like him - by launching his own clothes line.
• Wants the world to know he is back for good.
• HARD TARGET (1993) originally was to end with a boat chase, but was changed to a horseback chase due to his insistence.
• In TIMECOP (1994), while riding in the sled which will transport him into the future, Jean-Claude Van Damme takes out a stick of chewing gum called Black Black, a brand of Japanese gum. During 1994, Van Damme appeared in television commercials for Black Black chewing gum in Japan.
• Jean-Claude's father's mother was Jewish.
• He can play the piano.

Van Damme summons his fairy spirit

Bloodsport would have been totally different if Hightower was there to ref.

Ed Hightower takes over for JCVD

DAN GILBERT'S OPEN LETTER TO CAVALIERS FANS

1. He's clearly drunk.
2. He can't write well.
3. Did he put a curse on LeBron?
1. Is he a witchdoctor?
2. Is that legal?
4. Cleveland will never win a championship.
1. How much is the guarantee worth?
2. Why would I take it to the bank if I can't cash it?
5. LeBron owes Cleveland nothing. If anything, they still owe him.
6. Why wasn't the organization 100% motivated before Bron left? 
1. It's impossible to be more than 100% motivated, so if you are more motivated now than before LeBron jumped ship, you must have been slacking before.
7. The hour long special was probably a bad call, but it sent a lot of money to the Boys & Girls Clubs of America.
1. Dan Gilbert hates kids.
8. It's tomorrow now, and it looks pretty dark in Cleveland.

Open Letter to Fans from Cavaliers Majority Owner Dan Gilbert

Dear Cleveland, All Of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers Supporters Wherever You May Be Tonight;

As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted this evening, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier.

This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his "decision" unlike anything ever "witnessed" in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment.

Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us.

The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown Cavaliers have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you.

There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be communicating much of that to you.

You simply don't deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.

You have given so much and deserve so much more.

In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight:

"I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING’ WINS ONE"

You can take it to the bank.

If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our "motivation" to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.

Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.

Sorry, but that's simply not how it works.

This shocking act of disloyalty from our home grown "chosen one" sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn. And "who" we would want them to grow-up to become.

But the good news is that this heartless and callous action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called "curse" on Cleveland, Ohio.

The self-declared former "King" will be taking the "curse" with him down south. And until he does "right" by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.

Just watch.

Sleep well, Cleveland.

Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day....

I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:

DELIVERING YOU the championship you have long deserved and is long overdue....



Dan Gilbert
Majority Owner
Cleveland Cavaliers

2,000th POST ON THE FLINT SKINNY

Heath Ledger may be dead thanks to that bitch Mary-Kate Olson, but if he was here, I am sure he would be proud of The Flint Skinny for making it to 2000 posts.

RACIST FIRE ANTS

Why do they have to pick on the black ant?
via

VUVUZELAS STRIKE AGAIN

FUCK THIS

From me to you...with love.
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INTENSE BABY

Rare footage of Mr Miyagi's white twin when he was a baby.

IT'S FRIDAY - TIME TO TAKE MY DRUNK ASS HOME

It's Friday, and that can mean only one thing.  It's time to serve ourselves a modest amount alcohol and have protected sex (only with a significant other).  I know none of you would think of consuming more than an appropriate number cocktails, so this video doesn't really apply to you.  Just in case some heathen makes his way to The Skinny though, just remember to request this song once you are one drink short of puking on the floor.

via


Find me on Twitter http://twitter.com/TheFlintSkinny

VANILLA ICE RULES

Can't stop, won't stop, bad boy, yeah, uh huh, yeah.