JIM SHORTS CAN SUCK A BAG OF DICKS

I'd like to clear something up here. For about 24 hours now, there has been a vicious rumor circulating the web about The Skinny. Yeah, that's right, I am popular enough to have evil internet rumors(I've made it!) about me. While I may not be up to Miley Cyrus level yet, this means I'm well on my way.

Normally the celebrity in question would simply let this fly for awhile to build up some media buzz, but I'm not your average megastar. I take my reputation very seriously, and that is why I must address this immediately. This piece of slanderous jibber-jabber suggests that I, The Flint Skinny, the #1 judge of comedic value in the northwestern quadrant of the Earth, find Jim Shorts(Kevin Matthews) to be humorous.

Let's stop the noise right there folks. To loosely quote Dan Gilbert, "I have not, nor never will" be entertained by Jim Shorts. I find his particular brand of humor, if I may degrade the word so much as to call it that, to be annoying, recycled, and boringly basic. That is my only comment on this malicious rumor at the moment, hopefully I will be able to drink away the memory of such a traumatizing day.

Thanks to Louis CK for the headline inspiration.