ANDES - TELETRANSPORTER

Do you have a piece of shit girlfriend that hates when you go out with the boys?  No, I didn't so; neither do I.  Clearly if you regularly read The Skinny you are the type of guy to whom no woman could ever be attracted.  But if by some miracle you get one, you better start choosing your bars wisely.  Always look for the Teletransporter logo on the outside to be sure that you can answer her inevitable phone call and successfully lie you ass off.