The American Idol Spectacle

I am not a big America Idol fan. The show premiered back when I was I law school. Television viewing time was scarce and half my classmates thought rock music--wel, accept for the songs they liked--would send you straight to hell, so it was not worth the trouble to watch. I did not watch my first full episode until 2004. It was one of those train wreck audition episodes. Gene Simmons was a guest judge.

Since then, I have watched when the theme night suited me or if a contestant caught my attention. Six or eight episodes a year, tops. But this season has been different. I have recompiled to watch every episode since the Hollywood episodes, with the exception of the night after I returned from the hospital last month. I was more amused by Percoset then. This season has been wrong in so many ways, I cannot take my eyes off it.

First, the judges. This is Simon Cowell’s last season as a judge. While he is making a fortune off AI, he is still an employee. In 2011, he will bring his own show, X-Factor, to FOX. In the meantime, he alternates between just phoning it in and being oddly sentimental. A few weeks ago, a hapless contestant lamenting they could not come to church with him and see Cowwell he sings gospel. Cowell piped up ad said he would go to church with him if invited. That was one of the most shockig things I have heard o live television period, much less from someone as acerbic and presumably non-religious as Cowell.

Then there is Ellen DeGeneres. What the heck is she doing as judge? She is likable, but struggles to offer any valuable criticism whatsoever. It is not her fault. She is there just to be funny, but they are requiring her to mentor singers when she is a stand up comedian. Sometimes, I feel worse for her struggling for something to say than the poor contestants who not only embarrass themselves with a bad performance, but get ripped by judge for good measure.

Kara Dioguardi’s slobbering lust for Casey James is pitiful. That is all I can say about that.

Second, the criticism has been hilarious. It feels like the judges got together prior to every episode to decide which one is going to offer up what contradictory advice. The poor contestants do not know whether they are coming or going. My favorite in that regard has been Andrew Garcia, a one trick pony who made a splash rearranging Paula Abdul’s “Straight Up” in Hollywood, but could go no traction afterward. The judges kept urging him to move outside his comfort zone, then criticized him brutally every time he moved away from what he does best. His mother got mad one night over it.

The best part about the criticism is the new mantra the contestants must make the songs contemporary and commercial. Then they give them songs from the Beatles, Rolling Stones, Elvis, and Motown classics to work with. I think the judges are just screwing with them, personally.

Finally, why not screw with them? This is one mediocre gathering of talent. There has been a subtle, but still obvious effort to produce a female winner this season. The most loyal viewership for AI is middle aged woman and teen girls, so youg male contestants have had a distinct advantage. The judges are practically dragging Crystal Bowersoxaox across the finish line. The pressure on her is so high, she walked off a couple days ago until Ryan Seacrest wet after and convinced her to stay.

I bet it will not do any good. Bowersox is great, mind you. Atrue indie artist who reminds me of a more versatile Janis Joplin. But voting forces are goig to align against her. She may have been the top vote getter every week so far, but I think the targeted viewership is going to align behind one of the lesser male singers--Tim Urban would be my guess--knocking her off I the finale. It happened last year. Adam Lambert looked like ashoo in, but the middle American, cotton candy Christian vote that had been split between Danny Gokey and Kris Allen went totally for allen, eliminating the weirdo from Los Angeles.

I can only imagine how much more peculiar things are going to get before it isall over.

UPDATE: Bowersox is not happy about the Seacrest leak.