JERSEY SHORE DON'T SPEAK NO AMERICANO

I saw this video a couple weeks back and didn't think too much of it. Then this morning Steve told me that he had the song No Americano stuck in his head. I didn't really know what song he was talking about, so naturally I looked it up. Sure enough I had heard the song before. It's catchy, and annoyingly repetitive, but damnit I can't stop listening to it. Watching DJ Pauly D and his boys dance around like morons is fairly entertaining too.

DAN LABATARD - HERE COMES THE GIANT ROYAL PENIS

Dan LeBatard may have just dropped the greatest rant in world history. He wasn't even pissed, he was excited. When LeBron signed with the Heat, it opened the door to a disgustingly good team, and some people just can't handle that.  My favorite parts: Knicks bashing, Bosh you're the third best player on this team, double rainbow, discounted!, purple drink, size matters.

ANTTI NIEMI STOPS THE OIL SPILL

After a slew of failed BP attempts to stem the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, the flow was finally cut off when President Obama called in Blackhawks star goalie Antti Niemi for the government-led "Blocker Save" measure on the team's day off from the Stanley Cup Finals.

"We're pleased to announce that a full-scale natural disaster was averted just before the hurricane season hit," Obama announced. "Our entire nation has Mr. Niemi to thank. As well as Duncan Keith, Brent Seabrook and Brent Sopel, who flopped to their bellies to stop a few million gallons before they could get to Antti."

BP CEO Tony Hayward initially resisted the Blocker Save proposal.

"Yeah, the guy's good, but look who he has playing in front of him," said Hayward. "And the regular season's one thing. The guy has no experience with offshore oil and, really, it's a whole different game."

When first thrown into the coastal waters, Niemi seemed just as surprised as anyone else by the responsibility entrusted to him. But within the first five minutes of duty, he slapped 10 million barrels back into the well with his stick and gloved another 14 million.

A scare arose when the final six million gallons surged at him from his blindside. At that point, he stood on his head, juggled seven flaming chain saws and caught the remainder in his mouth, spitting those back into the well just before BP employees resealed it.

When asked for comment, Blackhawks backup goalie Cristobal Huet simply wept.

republished from TheHeckler

OHIO STATE FLASH MOB SUCKS

Ok seriously, can we be done with flash mobs now? They aren't humorous, spontaneous, or even entertaining anymore. Back when a group of people would bust out Hammertime in a mall store or freeze the middle of Penn Station, it was awesome. No one knew what to make of it, and there were a ton of people not in on the gag there to watch. Now they are just choreographed dances done in public....which we all know is lame. OSU, being the douches they are, had a "flash mob" in their own union. Given that everyone there probably knew about it since it was on campus, you all just spent your afternoon going to a dance recital. Good job.